


internet persona

by orphan_account



Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Choking, Depression, Depressive Thoughts, Heavy Drinking, Implied/Referenced Verbal Abuse, Loneliness, Substance Abuse, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 16:24:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14958035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: No matter how much liquor he drank, it would never fill the pit of loneliness. But that wouldn’t stop Chase from trying.





	internet persona

“...And I’ll see all of you dudes in the next video!”

Chase’s form hunched forwards as he hit the button to end the recording. The smile he had tried to keep plastered on throughout already fading from his features. The brightly lit screen in front of him was almost painful for his already tired eyes. He averted his gaze from the screen for a moment, fiddling with the cord of his headphones. The game hit a bit too close to home for his liking.

“I’ll have to cut out some parts…” The man mumbled, scanning over the video. “Can’t have me rambling about my problems. No one wants to see that.” His stomach rumbled, a reminder of the fact he hadn’t eaten at all today. Chase sighed and an annoyed curse fell from his lips, nonetheless, he got up.

Firstly making his way to the bathroom, he stared at his reflection. The person looking back at him felt like a stranger. Pale skin, eyes sunken in and a permanent stench of alcohol on his breath. From underneath his famed hat greasy strands of hair were peeking out. 

It felt like he was looking at the ghost of someone he used to be. 

The sight made his gut wrench, nausea suddenly overwhelming him. Chase moved his gaze to his hands instead. He splashed some cold water against his face, making him feel a little bit better.

Where had it all gone wrong?

It seemed like yesterday when everything was still good, playing with his kids and creating silly skits. The decline of his channel happened gradually, Chase didn’t even notice at first. Many youtubers were hit by demonetization during that period and he was no different. Yet, it didn’t get better for him over time. Soon it was impossible to make a living off of it anymore. 

He couldn’t just leave his fans behind, even with the pressure from the people around him to do something different. It was impossible not to notice. The whispers of his loved ones about how he would end up on the street. It hurt, but the thought of leaving everything he had built behind pained the man just as much. 

Stacy… 

A name that once brought a smile to his face, now only left behind a bitter taste in his mouth. As soon as less money came in, her moods worsened. She had always had a temper, however, as their then current living situation got in danger and both of them were stressed, his former partner’s mood swings became almost impossible to deal with. Screaming and yelling at the littlest of things, even at their children. 

Even thinking about that time made his brow furrow, it had been everything except pleasant.

Chase was harsly snapped out of his thoughts when a sharp pain shot through his stomach. He directed his eyes back at the mirror and for a split second the man swore he could see someone else behind him. His hair a shade of brown and face quite like his own, the resemblance was striking. Nonetheless, the sharp teeth protruding from his slightly opened mouth ruined the illusion. Chase whipped around, but only the barren wall of his bathroom greeted him. 

“I must be going insane now too, huh?..” A cold, humourless laugh fell from his lips. The man turned his back to the mirror and shuffled towards his kitchen, Chase’s form drooped forward. Empty bottles of beer and other trash lay strewn about. It had been a long time since he’d felt motivated enough to clean anything. 

Not like he ever got any visitors to see the mess anyway. After everything fell apart around him, he hadn’t exactly been in contact with his friends. At first, his phone would buzz on his nightstand almost continuously. When he didn’t reply, the stream slowly died down bit by bit until eventually he wasn’t receiving anything anymore. His friends probably assumed he was fine to some extent, seeing as he was still uploading videos regularly. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be in contact with them. He longed for another human’s warm presence, it had been embarrassingly long since Chase had actually left his dreary apartment. Yet, actually messaging anyone seemed like an impossible feat. 

He opened the fridge and frowned as he realized he hadn’t bought anything recently. Chase shut it harshly, the sound cutting through the silence of his home. The man hesitated for a moment. 

Was it really worth going through all of it again?

Despite his conscience whispering to him that it was far from a great idea, he had already reached for the bottle of whiskey nearby. “Better than nothing, right?..” The man whispered, his words mostly an attempt to convince himself of that. 

No matter how much liquor he drank, it never filled up the pit of loneliness.

But that wouldn’t stop Chase from trying. 

The first sip of the liquid burned as it went down his throat. Chase squeezed his eyes shut for a second, letting out a shaky breath as the feeling died down and taking another gulp. The powerful, spicy taste quickly becoming bearable. He stumbled over to the nearest chair, taking a seat, and setting his glass down for a moment.

His eyes fell on the framed picture on the table in front of him. Chase knew exactly what it looked like, nonetheless, he found it in his grasp, unable to look away. The perfect family, or what he thought had been perfect at the time. His youngest son on his shoulders and daughter between him and Stacy, the three of them holding hands. All smiling.

The sight made his heart ache, all the pleasant memories flashing through his head. Before he realized what was going on, warm tears streamed down his face, dripping onto the picture. He watched as the liquid slid down, collecting at the bottom. “I just… Wanted to be happy,” Chase murmured between sobs. “Was that too much to ask for? I miss them,” His hands trembled while holding the frame. “So much…” 

It simply hurt too much to bear. Chase put the picture away, face down and placed his hat on top of it. The man averted his eyes and buried his hands in his hair. Silent tears continued to flow down his cheeks staining the table he was leaning on. He took a tight hold of his glass and swallowed the rest of it in one go, drowning his sorrows away.

“God, I’m such an idiot…” He wanted to forget. He wanted to be numb, everything to be dulled down. He wanted to drift so far off, he wouldn’t be able to even remember his own name. He wanted to feel like he was dead, slipping in and out of consciousness. It was horrible, seeking alcohol as a solace, but he had fallen down and getting up seemed far from his reach.

It didn’t matter that he woke up, covered in sweat, tears and other gross liquids. It didn’t matter that his head pounded all the time, that he had trouble even getting out of bed in the morning.

It didn’t matter, as long as he got his temporary relief. 

As the amount of liquid in the bottle dwindled, so did Chase’s comprehensive thoughts. The man’s sight grew hazy, yet this time it was not because of his tears. The taste of the whiskey had almost faded completely by now, it felt the same as water to him. A whirlwind of emotions rushed through his body, threatening to spill over any second. 

“Why do I do this?” Chase slurred out, eyes directed at the roof. “Again, again and again! She was right.” A laugh fell from his lips, the sound being interrupted by sniffles and hiccups. “I really am a disappointment.” The man pulled on his hair in frustration, the sharp pain distracting him from his thoughts, if even for a moment. 

“I deserve this, all of it.” He mumbled, eyes wide and staring at an empty spot on the wall. “I’m a horrible person, a horrible father, I deserve this. I have no self control, I’m disgusting.” As he felt himself slip into a downwards spiral, like had happened so many times before, a child’s cry snapped him out of his self-destructive train of thought. 

“Dad, please!” 

Chase perked up, the sudden movement making the world around him spin. He groaned, sitting still for a moment and rubbing his temples. “It hurts! Help-” It cut off at the end, a bone chilling scream taking its place. To anyone else it would’ve seemed suspicious and out of place, especially since there definitely weren’t any children in Chase’s house, but in his drunken mind the only thing he could think about was getting to his kid. All of a sudden, the glass in his hand felt like an incredible weight wearing him down. He let go of it without a second thought, not minding the shattering of glass or the small pieces stuck in his skin. The warm liquid coming from the small cuts was simply disregarded. 

He had to keep a tight hold on the table not to immediately topple over, still his stance was wobbly at best. Vision still fuzzy, he felt around for the nearest light source. The light switch didn’t work. A quiet curse escaped his mouth, he needed to hurry. Looking around like a wild animal recently captured, Chase’s hand found and closed around a lighter. 

“Hurry…” He mumbled out, tongue numb in his mouth. “This thing will be fine. Everything will be fine.” He attempted to reassure himself as he fiddled with the object, heart pounding in his ears and adrenaline coursing through his veins. 

Stumbling off to the hallway, he tripped more than Chase would ever like to admit. As he slowly made his way up, whispers of voices not his own started to fill his head. The kid’s cries only grew louder as he almost dropped his precious light source. Trying desperately to get the stupid thing to work, the object had quickly proven to be unreliable at best.

After an abundance of muttered curses, hisses and waving the lighter around, he got it to work. He continued, his pace fast, eyes looking around frantically. The man used the wall for guidance, the screams getting louder as he appeared to get closer to the source. He peeked around a corner. Chase couldn’t see much with merely his small lightsource, however, a red light suddenly blinded him. 

He had to squint his eyes for a few seconds, eyes having to get adjusted after having been in basically complete darkness for a while. Though once he could make out what was in front of him, he didn’t quite believe it. What appeared to be a man standing in the doorway, back turned to him.

Something about the sight made his body immediately tense up. It was odd how the mere form of the other struck such a fear in him, but he found himself frozen in place. The entire presence of the ‘man’ in front of him was… Off. Like he didn’t belong here at all. Even from the distance Chase was at, the other’s form seemed to twitch and almost fade from view a bit here and there. However, the man assumed this was simply the alcohol taking effect on him.

After all, what kind of being could glitch?

Despite the primal terror that kept him stuck to the ground like a statue, he opened his mouth and spoke. “Who’s there?” He called out, Chase himself was surprised at the lack of tremor in his voice. As the thing started to turn around, the man found himself overwhelmed with the amount of double vision. He couldn’t discern the being’s actual location anymore. It gazed him straight in the eye, the creature’s own suddenly glowing a vibrant green and an undeniably, there was a grin on its face. 

Ringing filled his head and it took everything in him not the cover his ears. The sound was agonizing, his head felt like it was splitting open, tearing apart at the seams. “Where are they?” Chase flinched at the crack in his voice. “What do you want from me?!” His face contorted, mouth open and brows furrowed. To be honest, he was on the verge of tears. 

It began moving towards him, not having answered any of his burning questions he wanted so desperately to be answered. Whether the being was running at him or merely walking, Chase didn’t know. Everything utterly confused him, every movement seemingly coming from another world. The creature appeared to move all over the place, back and forth, his vision glazed over with something that almost appeared static-like. He stumbled back, but as he almost fell down with his slowed reflexes, a harsh grip locked itself around his neck.

Chase wheezed out a breath at the sudden tightness, the cold fist sending a shudder up his spine. The creature’s face, with eyes as dark as the night sky, was so uncomfortably close. Even more pressure, if that was even possible, was put on his poor neck. The creature’s long nails dug into the skin, creating marks that dripped with red blood. He felt it dribble down his neck as the appendages pushed in further. 

“H̸e͢l̴͟l̨̡̕ó,̢́ ̧͜Ç̴̕h̕͢ás̡̀ę̵̡. I̷̵̕t͜͠ ́i҉s ̸̧ş͜ù̕c̀h̀͞ a̧ ̷҉͠pl̢͞͞é͏as̕ú̢r̷̢ȩ͏ ͘͜t҉o̕ ͘f͜í͘n̸a͏ļl͘y͟ ͏h́̕a͟ve̢ ̸̵̨a͏̵ ̴̷c̷̀há̵͘n҉̧c͢e ͘͜͡to̶͠ ̸̨m͠eȩ͡t́ y҉̕͝ou̧.” Its voice was all over the place. The pitch jumping from high to low, the sound buzzing and resonating within his body. A giggle escaped its lips, voice crackling. Chase was gasping for any air, barely holding on to this consciousness.

“P̧͘͡e̴͠͞r̀hap̡s͏ ̵̡͘we͏ ̴̛͟c̷̶oúl͠͠d̕͞͏ ̡̛͜m͠a҉̷k͜͡e͘͞ o̶͜͞ur̡͞ ̷̀i̛͡n͜te̢r̵e͟͟st́ş͠ all̨̨i͜͟͡g̡ǹ̀.͠..” Were the last words the man heard before the thin threads holding him awake snapped, and he slipped into a blissful darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Father’s Day, everyone :)


End file.
